An old mate of mine – old being the operative word here – has taken to complaining that whatever ‘beauty capital’ he once had is sadly depleted.
In an effort to make light of the situation, I told him that at our age, only actual capital had any allure. This was easy to say, not having been born with much beauty capital myself. Oddly enough, it didn’t cheer my mate up.
And yet, it could well be a condition of his antiquity and mine that we cannot see another solution to the problem. We are not digital natives, after all.
We are what is known as digital immigrants. We have one foot in the last century and the other in this one, and as the two centuries draw inexorably apart, the situation becomes more and more difficult, like straddling two rapidly diverging continents.
Will we, one calamitous day, split down the middle? Or will we jump at the last moment, and if so, in which direction?
I suspect it will be back to the century we call home, and at that point, I expect to find all new gadgets incomprehensible while complaining bitterly that there are no humans at the railway stations, that books are no longer written by people, and that British news anchors are using words like ‘normalcy’ and ‘irrelevancy’.
I’ll stop there, as I actually heard a British newsreader say those very words last week. Needless to say, I’ve gone off him.
Digital immigrants
We – my old mate and I – are still grappling with the daily horror of living among the digital natives and trying to learn their ways in the hope that we shall not be revealed as the digital immigrants we self-evidently are.
The pity of it all is that old codgers like us would probably benefit more than any of the youngsters from a complete digital makeover.
It has done wonders for Harrison Ford, who is set to take on younger and younger roles as he edges closer to extinction.
After that, he will be ready to play a string of precocious toddlers, talking dogs, his own girlfriends or their mothers, and all of these posthumously. His acting career while with us will have been a mere prelude.
This kind of freedom is already available to owners of a humble smartphone. In the virtual and augmented realms of Instagram, ‘beauty capital’ has no currency, not even of the crypto kind. Beauty itself is not a thing anymore — if it ever was. It’s a figment.
But before I get into this convoluted and paradoxical matter, let me demonstrate how, in the real world, Harrison Ford might still be feeling his age.
On my way by tube to see the Cult of Beauty at the Wellcome Collection, I found a young woman stranded at the top of a stairway, unable to carry a massive suitcase down to platform level. When I offered to help her, she was visibly relieved. I got the thing down for her, then carried on along the platform.
On reaching Euston, I happened to glance back down the platform and there she was, newly-alighted and looking helpless. Our eyes met through the onrush of commuters. It was a cinematic moment of the kind Ford would have taken in his stride, but then he would have had a body double to do the lifting.
So it was that, for the second time, and despite her embarrassed apologies, I came to her assistance, this time managing to get the massive suitcase up the stairs.
Chilvary is not dead, its just old
But here’s my point: there are some things the human body cannot dissemble. I got the stuff up the stairs for her alright, but I could still feel the effects the next day. Chivalry is not dead, but nor is it getting any younger.