Why big occasions can bring poignant memories

There are words from the great Arab mediaeval poet Al-Mutanabbi which resonate with long-held sympathy for those who may find themselves at odds with times of celebration:

O feast, what do you come bearing this year?

Do you bring the past, or something new to the ear?

My loved ones are far beyond the desert.

I wish ten deserts to distance you and your sort!

There are countless people who recite this verse to themselves, in their hearts, when any such feast approaches.

If old songs and maxims are anything to go by, Arabs have an instinctive tendency to find a diversion from the worries of daily life by yearning nostalgically to the past.

As the late Egyptian legend Umm Kulthum sang:

O feast night, you erase our concerns,

Thanks to you, cheerfulness to us returns.

Relishing the simple joys of life has, if anything, become harder for modern humans. We can suffer from the absence of a more straightforward and genuine form of joy, in a prevailing culture defined by consumption.

Joy and remembrance on Eid Al-Fitr

Nowadays, Arabs in particular can go through several materialistic preparations for Eid Al-Fitr, which marks the break of their Ramadan fast.

Most people perceive Eid Al-Fitras a cheerful opportunity to reward themselves for a month spent resisting a mundane physical need for daytime food and drinks. Eid gatherings are rarely held without remembrance of deceased loved ones, deep nostalgia for good old times, or fear of the quick passage of time.

These memories and concerns are not always happy, but there seems to be a tendency for sadness to be stirred by supposedly joyous occasions, perhaps by the reverence of recollection itself. 

'Restorative nostalgia' in a relentlessly modern world

In our fast-moving, interconnected modern world, a move toward what is known as 'restorative nostalgia' is intensifying.

This tendency can be seen when people recall departed loved ones and reminisce on abandoned values. It is especially evident in the elderly or the people who lost loved ones, or their homeland.  Literary figures of the diaspora masterfully express this nostalgia. It can glorify the past and long-standing, traditional values. 

The sense of a return to deeper roots can feel like older identities are being revived. In this way, people can find diversion from a relentlessly modern world in memories.

The Russian-American artist and cultural theorist put it like this: "the mourning of displacement and temporal irreversibility is at the very core of the modern condition" as it serves as a shield from existential dilemmas, particularly for people for whom life has little or no significance anymore.

Simple human nature can prompt yearning for familiar things and the way they can provoke fond memories, of a homeland, or the past, though they might prove transient.

 In Al-Mutanabbi's words:

Though I yearn to my childhood, if I returned there,

I would yearn with tears to my old age's grey hair.

In a similar vein,  American artist Jim Croce sings in his famous song "Time in a Bottle":

If I could save time in a bottle,

The first thing that I'd like to do,

Is to save every day,

Till eternity passes away.

Comparisons can stoke sadness

Human beings are social creatures by nature, and we tend to constantly draw comparisons and contrasts. And so it can be that when someone recalls a happy memory of their own, we can feel disappointment if there is nothing similar in our own recollections.

Furthermore, if a particular event or achievement does not match our exact aspirations, our remembrance of minute flaws can overpower our wider expectations for happiness.

This peculiar mechanism of the human mind is a byproduct of our 'semantic memory' functioning in opposite directions. If the word 'feast' is brought up, it stirs not only joy, but also sadness and grief. Similarly, the word 'gathering' might invoke its exact opposite: separation.

Stolen moments

Human nature has a tendency to mould memories into a yearning for the past, or other concepts that remain beyond reach.

As John Lennon sings:

So this is Christmas and what have you done?

Another year over, a new one just begun.

On happy occasions, our memory immediately recalls losses of the past, trivial as they may be. When the holy month of Ramadan ends, many feel guilty for defaulting on their religious duties and deem themselves unworthy of the joy that the feast brings.

Hence, it is not alien to human nature to feel sad on happy occasions. Happiness unconsciously evokes sadness. Contradictory emotions can arise from specific concepts or subjects in each individual's accumulation of memories.

 As such, 'premature nostalgia' or yearning for 'stolen moments' can end up stealing the joy from the moments that are right in front of our eyes.

Psychological impact

It all begs the question of whether nostalgia is harmful to the human soul, or if it has psychological and social benefits to it.

Social researchers and cultural psychologists of the 19thand 20thcenturies were prone to regard nostalgia as a form of mental illness linked to depression and other chronic problems. The discipline has moved on since then.

Modern research finds that sentimental memories and fond recollections can enhance a person's perceptions of their current life as well as instilling a sense of purpose, even if they also evoke a sense of sadness and loss.

Researchers now advocate special programs for senior citizens to stimulate their memories, since thoughts of the past can add meaning to life, particularly in the elderly.

Saudi Arabia reaches out to its elderly

Recent data from the Saudi General Authority for Statistics show that around 1.3 million elderly live in the Kingdom, nearly 5% of the country's population.

Their rights are protected under specific provisions of the country's basic law. The Ministry of Human Resources and Social Development provides an array of services designed for seniors, including entertainment and seasonal sport activities and events, particularly during annual occasions and feasts. 

Alongside these efforts, there are also publications and broadcast media services providing entertainment for the elderly and a programme of seminars and workshops to support them in hobbies and leisure activities. There are also activities on offer at or around retirement homes including picnics in and visits to museums and festivals.

There are moves to capture the memories and the wealth of experience held by Saudi senior citizens by documenting personal histories, accomplishments, and inspiring stories.

Gathering biographical detail gives the elderly reassurance that their memories – happy, sad or bittersweet – are valuable and significant. They also provide a useful learning resource for younger generations, while helping boost the mental health and so the quality of life of the senior story tellers.

Living in the moment makes new happy memories

One way to ensure that enjoyment of happy occasions is safe from the sadness that can come alongside life's big events is to live in the moment and cherish the present.

The latest research shows that prioritising what is currently before us can enhance feelings of optimism and open the way for positive nostalgia in the future. Seizing the day and helping others around us cherish it too, while acknowledging the fleeting nature of time, looks like the best way to make happy memories.